Mo Fanning - British writer and comic

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When a character loves another but doesn’t like them

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Like and dislike

Why it’s important to explore the connection between love and like

Whether it’s friends, family members or romantic partners, in our lives we have to navigate relationships with people we love but don’t much like. This experience is universal, yet rarely explored in great depth in the media we consume. But why? To explore this further and to inspire your writing, here are five reasons a character loving another but not liking them is so important to explore:

It’s a complicated feeling that many of us have experienced

The love that we feel for people we don’t particularly like is complicated. It’s rarely pleasant or easy to understand, but it’s something many of us have been through. So why is it important to explore and understand? It has the potential to explore universal themes and human experiences; themes such as love, the power of familial and romantic relationships, and how childhood experiences feed into our adult relationships. It can also help create a deeper and more complex understanding of characters’ relationships, be they friends or lovers. It can show us that people in relationships don’t always love each other in the same way … or to the same extent.

It builds empathy for characters and their relationships

Love HeartThe feelings of love and like are often confused and conflated, but they are different things. Like is an emotion that can be given, but love is something that is taken. And yet, we often mistake like for love, especially in our relationships with others. Like can be given and taken at will. Whereas love is a decision that is made through choice, and often comes with a sense of obligation. When we see a character in a relationship with another person who they love but don’t much like, as writers, we might want to explore the reasons for staying in the relationship, and what their experiences are teaching them about love and relationships.

It helps us question what we deem as “likeable”

Most of us have certain standards for the kind of people we allow into our lives. Depending on your age and relationship status, those standards might be different. When we’re younger and in school (or still even now if you are in a career that requires you to be more sociable), we are often encouraged to interact with a wide variety of people. We might even be encouraged to “befriend” people we don’t particularly like. We might even be given the advice that you can’t judge a book by its cover. But as we grow older, we often narrow the people we let into our lives and surround ourselves with people we deem as “likeable.” We might dismiss the idea of a friendship with someone we don’t like. We might even dismiss them not liking us back. Unless like me you’re vaguely neurotic and will spend every waking minute wondering why.

It can help build conflict and tension in a story

Sometimes, the best way to explore the connections between characters is to break them down. When we explore a romantic relationship with a couple who love (but don’t like) each other, we open up the potential for conflict. We explore why these two people in love don’t also like each other. Why they stay in a relationship. What are the reasons behind the tension? What are the hopes and fears of each character? What is each character’s role in the relationship? What are their strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple?

It showcases the importance of consent and boundaries in romantic relationships

Writing loveAn important aspect of romantic relationships is the consent and boundaries between the partners. Romantic relationships are often built on the illusion that the partners are treated by the wider world as a unit. But in reality, romantic partnerships comprise two individuals with their own desires and needs that need to be explored and understood. When we see a relationship where both partners love but don’t like one another, we might explore why. We dig into each character’s desires and needs, and their understanding of the other person. We explore why they stay together, and if they’re getting what they need from that relationship.

Conclusion

As writers, we get to explore a variety of themes and human experiences. We explore the nature of love and like, the importance of consent and boundaries in relationships, and the impact that childhood experiences might have on our adult relationships. We can also use this type of relationship to explore themes such as friendship, the power of familial love, and the complexity of romantic love. With these themes in mind, we should use these relationships to explore a variety of topics and issues, and create more complex and multi-dimensional characters.

 

Rebuilding Alexandra Small

How can you research characters if they doesn’t exist?

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Creating characters

One of the hardest parts of writing characters is getting the balance right. It’s indisputable that anyone who creates a character puts something of themselves into their work. Their habits, beliefs, unconscious bias and prejudices will inevitably surface.

But that’s fine, because when you write well-rounded characters, the details of your own life add vibrancy and authenticity.

But there is a risk. In early drafts of my next book, I made my characters too much like me. They were thin and two dimensional, and didn’t have that necessary X factor that makes them someone the reader would want to engage with. Someone whose life is changed by the events around them. Someone caught up in a bigger drama.

So how do we avoid that trap?

Researching characters

When writing, I spend a fair bit of time researching the places I am talking about, the issues I want to surface, buildings, streets, cities, towns. But I also research the people I create.

That might sound weird. How can you research someone who doesn’t exist, who you just made up? I spend weeks getting to know these characters and deciding what makes them tick. Sometimes those weeks end with me deciding not to go forward with their application to play a role in my story.

Each character study is a set of behaviours, a set of habits. Each person has a history, a past, hopes and dreams, friends and enemies. They’ve all had to make difficult decisions and mistakes.

Going inside

To get the balance spot on, a writer has to go inside themselves and think about the things that make them into the person they are. Their foibles and flaws and idiosyncrasies. Things that they wish they could change about themselves. Things they are proud of, and the kind of person they aspire to be.

I try to think about my values, what I would do in someone else’s shoes. I sit in the character’s head, and work out what they are thinking given what I’ve found out in my research. What are their problems, and how could I reach into their skull and solve each one.

How do you create your characters?

Generating ideas for writing a novel

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New York writing

When I came up with the idea for my next book, I had to decide if I was up to the job of writing the story of a 67-year-old New Yorker. A Jewish man.

I wasn’t sure if I was up to the task, but decided to give it a try. It would mean a lot of research, but that was okay. I was feeling motivated.

I started by creating a character sketch, including all the details I needed to know about him. My new character was born and raised in New York. He was a guy who looked after gardens in the summer and worked as a department store Santa once a year. He lived alone in a one-bedroom apartment.

I was at a loss as to how to move forward with my character sketch. I didn’t want to write about a 67-year-old dying of cancer and loneliness, but I didn’t want to write about a man who was in perfect health. There wasn’t much drama there. This character is not a new one. He’s been in my head for months.

Writing away from the obvious

I decided to take my character sketch and turn it into a story about a man who is having a health crisis. After a small heart ‘incident’, he’s been warned to change his diet and lifestyle. That helped me decide how he’s a man who doesn’t like to be told what to do, who decides to ignore his doctor’s advice. What happens next? Will he live to regret ignoring the doctor’s advice? Or will he be alright?

I had no idea where the story might take me. I wasn’t sure if it would be a romance with a happy ending. It could end in a heartwarming way. It could go in quite a different direction. In the end, I was happy with the outcome. I have loved writing this book.

The first draft took two months. I set to work writing another draft, then sent the story out for feedback. I felt confident about the story, but didn’t want other eyes to see something I’d missed. This produced some good feedback from trusted friends, but also from a few honest readers who liked the story and suggestions. because the last thing I want is to be cancelled, I arranged a sensitivity read that helped open my eyes to unintentional bias.

I feel good about this book. I can’t wait to share it with you. If you’re an author, I hope you find my story helpful. If you are a reader, I hope you enjoy this story.

What are you working on? What do you hope to achieve with your next story? How did you get to where you are? Share your journey with me in the comments.

How to Pitch Your Story in Just 20 Words

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Pitch your novel

One of the hardest parts of selling a new story (to a reader, an agent or a publisher) is coming up with what us marketing geeks call ‘The Elevator Pitch”. It’s also called a log line. It’s your whole story (80k+ words) boiled down into one sentence. Two at most. And coming up with a pitch that works is a journey into hell.

“A young boy wizard comes of age” might be pretty generic, but isn’t too shabby as an elevator pitch.

The words you string together need to tell your story in one breath. They ideally need to suggest conflict. And they definitely need to get the person reading them excited.

Pitch conflict

We’ve all sat through meetings or watched insanely detailed pitches where you know the whole thing is going nowhere. If there’s no conflict in your elevator pitch, odds are there won’t be any in your story either. Your reader/agent/publisher will lose interest quickly and probably not bother to pick it up.

I’ve just completed the Cornerstones ‘Edit your novel like a professional‘ course. Eighteen weeks shared with some brilliant writers – and each of us struggled when asked to condense our work into a 500 word synopsis, let alone a 20 word pitch. Writing a story is one thing – but explaining it in such a way that you get someone excited and keep them reading…now that’s another!

Pitch in secret

Try pitching your own work at home. Keep it short and snappy; no context, characters or backstory. Just the basic premise of your story: what happens, who am I writing about and why should they care? If you can create an engaging pitch like this (and of course, back it up with a great book) then chances are when you’re querying agents later on you’ll have their attention long enough to tell them more. Writing well makes all the difference when selling yourself as much as your work.

  • Know your audience and what they want from you
  • Keep it simple and engaging
  • Give away the best parts of your story

So write me something catchy. What’s your book about?

How to Come Up with a Book Title (That Sticks)

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A title that sicks

When it comes to writing a novel, the title is one of the most important aspects. It’s what potential readers will see first, and it needs to be catchy enough to make them want to learn more. But coming up with a title that is both original and interesting can be difficult. In this blog post, I’ll discuss some tips for finding the perfect title for a book – and making sure it sticks!

First, think about what the book is about. Is it a mystery? Does it take place in space? What kind of characters are there?

Once you’ve decided on these things, then start looking at words that relate to them (or other similar topics). For example: if your character has two eyes but not one eye or three eyes – they might be called “One-Eyed Jacks.”

You could also chuck in an adjective like “spooky”.

A title with numbers

Other options include using numbers instead of letters such as ‘The Fifty Shades‘ trilogy by EL James. Or maybe even something from mythology which relates well with your story. Another option would be simply coming up with some cool sounding names for each chapter and adding those together until you create something that sounds right.

And then there’s the market. Certain titles work for certain sorts of book.

If you’re writing a book about dogs, you might come up with something like “How I Became A Dog Whisperer”. Or maybe even just call it ‘Whisper’. It all depends on who your target audience is.

Romance

Romance often needs to convey some hints about what is going to happen in the story. If you’re writing a story about an English girl who travels to America and ends up falling in love with a Native American, you might want something along the lines of “An English Girl Finds Love In The Wild West”.

Once you’ve got some ideas together, start playing around with different combinations until one particular combination feels right. Sometimes even just changing the order of words can make all the difference between sounding cool or like the kitchen-based nerd at your own party.

How do you come up with your titles? Tell me and share some tips.