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Mo Fanning - British writer and comic

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Mo Fanning

Pride Month: How to be an ally

June 22, 2022 by Mo Fanning Leave a Comment

Pinkwashing

It’s Pride Month – and that means companies big and small are adding a rainbow to their logos. Pink-washing as it might be called by the more cynical.

LGBTQIA+ people face tremendous difficulties growing up in a society where heterosexuality is often presented as the only acceptable orientation. We  face discrimination and exclusion. Homophobic abuse is commonplace. In some countries and some companies – even those with rainbow ribbons – same-sex couples do not enjoy the same rights and protections and suffer discrimination and problems accessing health care and pensions.

Many queer people hide their sexual orientation at work out of fear of losing their job or turning an interview or meeting into yet another coming out story.

Not living our truth

Sometimes we make a decision that there’s a line between who we are at work and who we are at home. That even though we’re not living our truth, so what? We’re not – to quote a well-meaning (but empty) HR term currently doing the rounds ‘bringing our whole selves to the workplace’.

Of course things have improved – in the UK and most of Europe at least. There’s far less assumption of my partner being female. I can talk about the way my husband has taken three months to finish work on our spare room and not need to come out in the process. But this has all been my decision – I made up my mind I was sick and tired of playing a part and sod anyone who didn’t like it. The funny thing is, I know some people are uncomfortable with my being gay – like I have a choice – but so what? They’re currently living in a society that tells them to shut the fuck up.

Floodgate

But for how much longer? Brexit opened a floodgate to xenophobic and racist comments. The day after the night before I was in Lidl, when the man in front of me asked the Lithuanian guy serving him when he was going back home. He smiled and added how he could ‘say this now’. Trump unleashed the repressed resentment in parts of American society. He made is OK to hate and beat up on people you didn’t like for whatever reason – be they fags or foreigners.

It’s tiring. Everyone has to be forgiven for thinking they just don’t have the time to help everyone or get involved in fights that have nothing to do with them. The truth is we can all play a role in instilling hope and love in the hearts and minds of the queer people in our lives and around us.

Someone who has your back

The word “ally” is a powerful one. It means someone who has your back and is on your side. They know it’s the right thing to do. An “ally” describes someone who may not be part of the LGBTQIA+ community, but is committed to equality for all.

Small but meaningful ways to show your ally-ship

  • Stay Informed: If you don’t know the difference between sex and gender or current LGBT-related news and issues, educate yourself. Ask questions, do research, and don’t be afraid to be honest about what you don’t know.
  • Speak Up: There are many reasons why people don’t speak up when they hear something offensive, like “that’s so gay”. It can be awkward, people don’t know what to say, or don’t want to make the situation worse. But, words hurt. When you speak up, it educates others, lets them know their words are not acceptable. It may give others the courage to speak up. You can also change how people act in the future. This is powerful.
  • Be Honest: Speak openly about family members, friends, and colleagues who are LGBT, if they are out and are comfortable with you discussing it with others. People often assume they will offend others or make them uncomfortable if they mention LGBT topics. Also, remember that occasional disagreement is normal and healthy!
  • Support Equality: Support policies at school, work, or other places that help protect LGBT people from discrimination. Even if the issues seem small, they can have a big impact on people’s lives. If you see or hear of an unfair rule or policy, talk to a peer or trusted adult about your concerns. Consider what you can do to make a change.
  • Come Out as an Ally: Anyone can be an ally, regardless of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Be proud to support the LGBT community.

With thanks to Youth Engaged 4 Change.

Filed Under: Diary Tagged With: Diary, Gay

Making sense of sensitivity in writing

June 15, 2022 by Mo Fanning Leave a Comment

For the first time, I turned to a new sort of editor to help with my writing. A ‘sensitivity reader’. With the two lead characters in my next story being elderly New York Jews, I wanted to be sure I wasn’t causing offence or falling back on stereotypes to tell their tale. So I called in a favour and got in touch with a brilliant comic and writer and begged him to give my manuscript a scan.

I was nervous about this. I’d never had anyone read my work from this particular angle, and the idea of someone picking over words that might inadvertently cause them offence made me feel vulnerable. I didn’t want to be criticised or told off, but I knew that if someone could see things that might offend a Jewish, then I should listen to them.

It’s too easy to use stereotypes in your writing

The guy I worked with has written for radio and TV and runs a hugely helpful comedy script writing course. He knows what he’s talking about. He read my story and gave me feedback – all of which I took on board, embarrassed at how easily I stepped into stereotyping even with my sensors on full alert. Most importantly he assured me that I hadn’t offended him and gave me some nitpicks he insisted nobody would pull me up on, but if I wanted to be correct, I could use them. I took them.

Taking this kind of edit onboard feels more and more important. Nobody wants to be called out as insensitive, racist, homophobic or anti-Semitic. But more than anything, it made me realise how important sensitivity readers are in publishing today – not just for writers from minority groups themselves but also for people like myself who don’t belong to those groups but want to write about them anyway.


For my next book, I worked with Bennett Arron and highly recommend his services.

Rebuilding Alexandra Small

Filed Under: Tips, Writing

When a character loves another but doesn’t like them

June 13, 2022 by Mo Fanning Leave a Comment

Like and dislike

Why it’s important to explore the connection between love and like

Whether it’s friends, family members or romantic partners, in our lives we have to navigate relationships with people we love but don’t much like. This experience is universal, yet rarely explored in great depth in the media we consume. But why? To explore this further and to inspire your writing, here are five reasons a character loving another but not liking them is so important to explore:

It’s a complicated feeling that many of us have experienced

The love that we feel for people we don’t particularly like is complicated. It’s rarely pleasant or easy to understand, but it’s something many of us have been through. So why is it important to explore and understand? It has the potential to explore universal themes and human experiences; themes such as love, the power of familial and romantic relationships, and how childhood experiences feed into our adult relationships. It can also help create a deeper and more complex understanding of characters’ relationships, be they friends or lovers. It can show us that people in relationships don’t always love each other in the same way … or to the same extent.

It builds empathy for characters and their relationships

Love HeartThe feelings of love and like are often confused and conflated, but they are different things. Like is an emotion that can be given, but love is something that is taken. And yet, we often mistake like for love, especially in our relationships with others. Like can be given and taken at will. Whereas love is a decision that is made through choice, and often comes with a sense of obligation. When we see a character in a relationship with another person who they love but don’t much like, as writers, we might want to explore the reasons for staying in the relationship, and what their experiences are teaching them about love and relationships.

It helps us question what we deem as “likeable”

Most of us have certain standards for the kind of people we allow into our lives. Depending on your age and relationship status, those standards might be different. When we’re younger and in school (or still even now if you are in a career that requires you to be more sociable), we are often encouraged to interact with a wide variety of people. We might even be encouraged to “befriend” people we don’t particularly like. We might even be given the advice that you can’t judge a book by its cover. But as we grow older, we often narrow the people we let into our lives and surround ourselves with people we deem as “likeable.” We might dismiss the idea of a friendship with someone we don’t like. We might even dismiss them not liking us back. Unless like me you’re vaguely neurotic and will spend every waking minute wondering why.

It can help build conflict and tension in a story

Sometimes, the best way to explore the connections between characters is to break them down. When we explore a romantic relationship with a couple who love (but don’t like) each other, we open up the potential for conflict. We explore why these two people in love don’t also like each other. Why they stay in a relationship. What are the reasons behind the tension? What are the hopes and fears of each character? What is each character’s role in the relationship? What are their strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple?

It showcases the importance of consent and boundaries in romantic relationships

Writing loveAn important aspect of romantic relationships is the consent and boundaries between the partners. Romantic relationships are often built on the illusion that the partners are treated by the wider world as a unit. But in reality, romantic partnerships comprise two individuals with their own desires and needs that need to be explored and understood. When we see a relationship where both partners love but don’t like one another, we might explore why. We dig into each character’s desires and needs, and their understanding of the other person. We explore why they stay together, and if they’re getting what they need from that relationship.

Conclusion

As writers, we get to explore a variety of themes and human experiences. We explore the nature of love and like, the importance of consent and boundaries in relationships, and the impact that childhood experiences might have on our adult relationships. We can also use this type of relationship to explore themes such as friendship, the power of familial love, and the complexity of romantic love. With these themes in mind, we should use these relationships to explore a variety of topics and issues, and create more complex and multi-dimensional characters.

 

Rebuilding Alexandra Small

Filed Under: Tips, Writing Tagged With: Characterisation, Story, Tips, Writing

Why do I write?

June 10, 2022 by Mo Fanning Leave a Comment

Writing for writers

I write partly because it’s way cheaper than paying someone with a framed certificate on their magnolia walls to sit and listen to my deepest, darkest thoughts. Partly because I can’t find enough books to spark joy in me. They exist. Obviously. Some years back, I finished reading a novel and longed to read another just like it. A book that sparked the same delight. I struggled.

I found myself on one of those peer review sites that were big ten years ago. The challenge set was to submit the first three chapters of a ‘work in progress’ for feedback. The most popular chapters picked up a professional critique. I’d written nothing more involved than a shopping list, but didn’t let a lack of skill stand in the way. My story sparkled. It was the kind of book I would love to read. When most everyone else on the website was done they tearing it apart and telling me how bad it was, I tried again. I grew thick skin and kept going. I got my professional critique.

My reason for doing this is because someone once told me I could. I still can’t find enough books that spark joy. We cook the food we crave, why not write the books we want?

Kitchen

I’ve published a couple of novels – one coined in sufficient readers to pay for most of a fitted kitchen – a modest affair, but still. I’m done with being the weekend dad cheering their kid on at the egg and spoon race.

The story I plan to work on next is an idea I had a few years ago, when I wasn’t ready to tackle the subject. It wouldn’t go away, and kept popping back up, waving and suggesting twists and turns. I realised I could thread in my own experiences, and use the story as a way to draw a pen portrait of my recently deceased mother. In full colour, the way I choose to remember her. And because there are nowhere near enough mainstream novels that deal with growing up gay and feeling anything but proud.

Now is the time, mostly on account of how the pandemic has robbed me of my few social skills, and I spend more and more time far from the maddening crowds. But mostly because it’s a story that keeps nagging about how it wants to be written.

Filed Under: Diary, Writing Tagged With: Diary, Writing

What are words worth? My take on the Gervais special

May 30, 2022 by Mo Fanning Leave a Comment

Trans flag

Someone asked me the other day if I was offended by the latest Ricky Gervais Netflix special. When I asked why I should be, their answer came down to him having a go at trans people. And Trans is the T from LGBT, so it’s part of my community.

I am a fan of Ricky Gervais and so I watched it. Was I offended? I suppose I was. Gervais is a much better comic than this special suggests – his body of work has shown him able to shine a light on what lies behind the spoken word. And when he broke off from a hideous belittling of trans women to announce that ‘in real life’ he doesn’t think this way and that he’ll say whatever it takes to make a joke funny, I groaned.

Was this where I was supposed to unclench my buttocks? His ‘catch all’ get-out came over as a context-driven version of ‘some of my best friends are black‘. Like a concentration camp worker insisting he doesn’t want to shovel bodies into gas ovens, but hey, the wife likes nice things, whatcha gonna do? Twitter is top-heavy with folk who include ‘live laugh love’ in their bio then spout some of the most offensive views possible.

Mockery

I’ve enjoyed his power play pops at high-vis targets – the Hollywood glitterati, animal abusers, men and women on the take, but how is a trans person in any way asking for mockery?

Suella BravermanAt the tail end of last week, Attorney general Suella Braverman called trans detractor JK Rowling her heroine, and insisted schools do not need to accommodate trans pupils, calling on them to ignore and marginalise trans children … because under-18s cannot legally change their gender. She wants to take away their voice. It’s another form of power play, this time shooting bullets from a different gun. I lived through and marched against the Tory Section 28 rule banning schools from telling me it was OK for me to be gay. And now I see the same happening to those who identify as trans.

Researchers found using trans kids’ pronouns, their correct name and wearing the clothing they want significantly cuts the risk of attempting suicide and experiencing depression or anxiety.

I don’t claim to be any kind of expert on what it means to be trans. I do know what it feels like to be told you’re not as good as everyone else because of who you are.

When asked to defend his comedy, Gervais told BBC One’s The One Show: “These are just jokes. They don’t mean anything.” Try telling that to the Twitch Mob out in force to defend him when others voiced objections. He told The Spectator, his jokes were aimed not at trans people but at trans activist ideology. His love-the-sinner defence makes me wonder if he watched how Graham Linehan set his life on fire and decided he wouldn’t mind some of that.

‘Supernature’ opened with an announcement that Ricky Gervais is a ‘man who doesn’t need to do this’. And I wish he hadn’t.

Filed Under: Modern life is heck, Stand-up, Writing Tagged With: Celebs, Comedy, Stand-up, Writing

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About Mo Fanning

Mo Fanning (@mofanning) tells jokes on a stage and writes commercial fiction. He’s the bestselling author of The Armchair Bride and Rebuilding Alexandra Small. Mo makes fabulous tea – milk in last – and is a Society of Authors member and cancer bore.

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